Do you believe in Father Christmas? 3 steps to change your unwanted beliefs
Just a few more sleeps until the fat man in a red suit with a white beard loads up his sleigh and then he will get in and be pulled by his reindeer across the whole world stopping off at every little boy and girl’s house to climb down the chimney and deliver presents.
What a fantastic story! We are told this story when we are young by our parents and it is reinforced by others around us and we believe in Father Christmas for quite some time don’t we?
And that is human nature, we believe the things that are told to us at an early age and they shape our lives for the future; often those beliefs are empowering and sometimes they can be limiting.
When I was young, my parents used to say to me “those that ask don’t get”. The intention was to stop me as a child saying “I want this for Christmas” or “I want that for Christmas”. The impact it actually had was to create a limiting belief in my mind that if I asked for something, I wouldn’t get it and this influenced the way I went about my life in many ways.
Firstly, I would not ask for help even when I needed it and I would battle through trying to manage everything on my own
Secondly, I would not explicitly say what I wanted or needed in certain situations and would expect others to guess and then get annoyed when I didn’t get the right response!
Thirdly, I have often found it difficult in my career to ask for what I want or felt I deserved; maybe a promotion or a pay rise.
Just one little comment that I applied to my whole life which has help me back for a number of years.
And I often hear from clients where a belief is holding them back from achieving what they want. Such as “I’m worried what others will think and that they won’t like it”, “Life is not fair, I’ll never get a promotion” or possibly “I don’t know what to do because I’m not clever enough”
It’s good to recognise that limiting belief isn’t it? The next question is, how can you get rid of it?
Well in a similar way to the way you decided Father Christmas was not real! You reflect and find evidence to prove it otherwise; like asking an older sibling or staying awake to find evidence to prove or disprove your new theory.
The approach I use is called the 3Rs to ditching limiting beliefs.
1) Reflect – acknowledge the limiting belief and notice the emotion that goes with it.
2) Reframe – as you think about that limiting belief that is stopping you from achieving, think about someone you admire and respect. Imagine you are that other person and talk to an imaginary you. What would that person say to you I this context?
3) Respond –empower yourself by finding evidence to disprove the belief and write it down!
If you feed the negative belief, it will keep growing! So feed an empowering belief instead through positive self-talk and positive affirmations of positive statements and you will change that belief. And, when that happens notice how much more evidence you find to support this new belief too.
I wonder what beliefs are holding you back...
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I’m Tracy and I’m more than just a coach, I’m Your Catalyst for Change
Tracy, Your Catalyst for Change