Is your Approach to Conflict Working? How can you manage it better?
Is your Approach to Conflict Working? How can you manage conflict better?
We all face conflict in our relationships at times and sometimes we get caught up in behaving in a certain way which does not solve the problem long term and can also create further conflict. Your programming which was installed at a young age will lead you to a particular preferred pattern of behaviour.
There are a number of approaches or tactics and think about which one you usually default to.
1. Compete and force your viewpoint as you aim to demonstrate your power or authority.
2. Compromise through a reconciliation of sorts which is beneficial when a quick result is needed but is likely to only be a temporary result.
3. Accommodate by putting others’ needs or wants before your won. This may reduce the discomfort but does not resolve the issue for you.
4. Avoid and withdraw from the situation. This can be useful if someone is angry but at some point the issue still needs to be addressed. It cannot just be swept under the carpet.
5. Collaborate and find a workable solution for both parties.
The table below summarises these and the impact on you and the other person. It also highlights the benefit of collaboration on the long term relationship.
Recently, I have been working with someone and there had been a number of frustrations as to how the relationship was working.
I found myself at first accommodating the situation and although this was OK for a time, I found myself starting to notice more and more when things were not going right rather than when they were going right. I was “losing” and the other person was “winning”.
I avoided having a discussion hoping that it would sort itself out but it didn’t. I was still “losing” and the other person was “losing” too because they were not aware of my frustration and therefore could not address it.
Competing was not an option because we needed to be in harmony for us both to succeed and the same could be said for compromising.
The only way was to collaborate and that meant explaining my frustrations and looking for ways for us to work together to resolve the problems.
It wasn’t easy!
I never find it easy to have this conversation but I am also aware that there are 2 sides to every story and perhaps there were things that I could do differently to make the relationship work better too.
I used my NLP skills to consider different perspectives and asked myself a number of questions including:-
• How am I perceiving this situation?
• How am I behaving in this situation?
• What is important to me about this situation?
• What do I need to learn about this situation?
I then approached the problem in a collaborative way recognising that we both wanted the same result and we could both set out our expectations.
The result was very positive, we agreed solutions and new ways of communicating and the other person commended me for my approach. A win-win all round!
As you think about that difficult relationship that you currently have, reflect on the approach you are taking. How might it help if you reflected on it differently and tried a more collaborative approach and listened to the perspective of the other person?
What will you do differently to change your approach?
If you would like more help to build better relationships and improve your communication and influence, contact me to find out how my NLP Training or 121 Coaching can help you do just that!
I help you gain CLARITY on what’s important, build CAPABILITY to overcome the challenges on the way and
increase CONFIDENCE to take the steps to just do it!
I’m Tracy and I’m more than just a coach, I’m Your Catalyst for Change!
Tracy, Your Catalyst for Change
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