Balance needs Boundaries - how to set your boundaries!
If you want Work Life Balance you need Healthy Boundaries!
Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves. In this fast paced world where everyone is so accessible, setting personal boundaries are critical for a healthy balanced life.
We all know times where we have been asked to do something and we have said “Yes, of course, I’d love to do that” only to question ourselves later and ask “Why did I say that? I don’t want to do it. I’m going to have to do it now because I can’t let them down.”
Not only that, you become annoyed with yourself for not saying “no” in the first instance and it creates an ongoing conflict in our minds.
Here are 5 steps to help you say No!
1. Focus on YOUR priorities. Ask yourself, if I’m saying yes to this, what am I saying no to? This can help you to weigh up your decision and make the right one for YOU!
2. Identify YOUR fears. What is driving you to say yes when you mean no? Often it can be the fear of rejection or abandonment; that the other person will no longer want to engage with you. It could be a fear of confrontation or upsetting someone; this is particularly relevant if you tend to be a people-pleaser. Or it could be a feeling of guilt or shame that is hidden within you. Once you identify them and become aware of them you can then start to address those feelings.
3. Give Advance Notice. Who do you need to tell that you are going to honour your boundaries going forwards? It could be a friend or partner who will support and encourage you to stick to it. Or it could be a manager who you advise that you will be leaving work promptly at 5pm on a Thursday. When people are aware of your intentions, they can work around it.
4. Imagine the Possibilities. If you could say “no” to something without any hard feelings, what would it be?” Now ask yourself what is stopping you from saying no to it now.
5. Stand Up for YOURself. If you are respectful in the way that you say it and state it firmly with the appropriate body language too, then others will respect your decision.
When we communicate, our words are only a small part of the message - just 7% of the overall communication message. Therefore people will hear the words but the way you say it have even more impact than the words and so we want to ensure that our words, tone of voice and body language are consistent in the message
Words – be clear and avoid ambiguity e.g. No, I can’t do that. Not this time. Or perhaps “Let me check my diary first” which gives you a little more time to prepare yourself to say no.
Tone of Voice – it should a firm, steady voice that goes down at the end of the sentence.
Body Language – stand or sit tall, face the person, make eye contact, remain still with palms facing down.
Whilst setting those boundaries at first may seem daunting, you will be surprised how others respect you for doing it and will look up to you and say things like “I wish I could be like that”.
What will be your next step to implementing stronger boundaries?
If you want to increase your confidence in saying "No" or to improve your communication and influence, contact me to find out how my coaching or NLP Training can help you do just that.
I help you gain CLARITY on what’s important, build CAPABILITY to overcome the challenges on the way and
increase CONFIDENCE to take the steps to just do it!
I’m Tracy and I’m more than just a coach, I’m Your Catalyst for Change!
Tracy, Your Catalyst for Change
Call me today on 07443 634722 or to email me click here
